The Founders' Years Rewritten
by Yura-chan
Summary: Hogwarts didn't want to watch her parents die, so instead she put them to sleep. Now, when Britain is once again threatened by Voldemort, she wakes them up and they are NOT what the world expected them to be. Whackiness ensues. SLASH
1. Hogwart's Decision

**THIS MAY BE THE ONLY AUTHOR'S NOTE IN THE ENTIRE STORY SO PLEASE READ IT!**

**Now that I have your attention; Hi! Obligatory no-brainer statement: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit of this writing.**

**This story has been hanging around my brain for a while now, and then yesterday I got bored and started writing it out. I want to warn you for sporadic updates later on, since I'm really only doing this for fun and to break my writers block. THIS IS SUPPSOED TO BE PURE CRACKY CRACKNESS! DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE FIRST CHAPTER! THIS IS NOTHING BUT WHACKY HUMOUR! Please don't take it seriously. It's not meant to be, and I apologize in advance for any seriousness that might sneak its sneaky way in.**

**For now it's rated T, but that is subject to change. I have absolutely nothing about this story planned out, so I don't really know what's going to happen. I'll try to update on Saturday every week (**_**my**_** Saturday, and it might be late at night, so people in different time zones may find it updated on Sunday or something) for as long as I have finished chapters, but after those run out, all bets are off. And I will apologize for my fail mix of British and American English. I am nothing but an ignorant Swede and I DO NOT SPEAK BRITISH ENGLISH ALL THAT WELL! So despite my attempts to make it as British as possible, expect mistakes.**

**This will also be SLASH, meaning GAY MEN, so if that's not your thing, don't read.**

**And I think that's it. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Hogwarts was frustrated. One would think that she could not be frustrated, being a castle, but frustrated she was. She was also angry. And sad. And a whole slew of other emotions she was not all that keen on analysing. She was tired of hearing one of her fathers demonized so badly. It saddened and angered her when his ideals and thoughts were twisted into unrecognizability over the centuries. She was hurt that one of her mothers was written of, that her children were considered nothing special. It was also maddening to hear one of her parents being glorified over the others, being put on a pedestal and nearly worshiped as the epitome of boldness and honour.<p>

Her parents' lives had been made into something like a fairy tale, with a hero, a villain and two helpless women screaming and gasping in the background. Her mothers were far from helpless, Godric was nowhere near perfect and Salazar was certainly no evil Dark Lord. So with every new rumour and every new jibe her frustration with her children grew. She didn't understand why Salazar was so hated. He had been a good man and a good father to the children under his care. And she had no idea where the thought that he ran away in anger had come from. All her parents were slumbering within her walls in their champers and, since the day of her completion they had not left for longer than a moth at a time.

She watched as the rift between Salazar's and Godric's Houses deepened, watched as Helga's loyal and strong children were mocked into tears time and again, watched as Rowena's children distanced themselves from the others in exasperation with their ridiculousness. It hurt her. This was not how things were supposed to be. This was not what her parents had wished for the future generations.

Hogwarts was deeply distressed. She didn't know how to make them understand. And so she watched helplessly as the power of her children decreased steadily in their refusal to cooperate. She could feel her wards and protections weaken with them. She kept her power levels by siphoning of magic when her children slept, soaking up the excess that swirled around them when they performed spells, and as her children grew weaker and weaker there was less and less magic for her to take. The land she was built on was very powerful, but that could only boost her so much. She needed her children's magic, and there was no longer enough to have. If a castle could cry she would have. How could this have happened?

The castle felt the suspicion and hatred swell within her children the closer the war outside came. They started looking at each other with paranoia, as though anyone could be an enemy. They jumped at their shadows, woke up screaming from nightmares and broke down crying over the newspaper. Despite the denial running rampant within them, they all knew. Voldemort was back, and he was behind the odd disappearances and deaths. The woman who was supposed to teach them how to defend themselves did nothing but hinder them, and it made Hogwarts panic a bit. How were her children to survive if they didn't know how? She had never really hated anyone before, everyone had their reasons for what they did afterall, but she was very close to hating that woman.

And all this fear, all this hatred and suspicion, was because of a child of hers who claimed he was the heir of Salazar. Hogwarts knew better. He was a _descendant_ of her father, but in no way was he his heir. No heir of Salazar's would ever attempt to kill all muggleborns. No heir of Salazar's would ever want to create such chaos. No heir of Salazar's would ever be so utterly brazen about his methods. No heir of Salazar's would despise the Gryffindors so much.

Hogwarts wished desperately for her parents to come and make things right. To knock some sense into the stagnant wizarding society. She would have giggled at the thought if she could. Oh how they would be surprised if they ever came face to face with people so very different from who they had created in their minds. She would dearly love to see their reaction to Rowena who, though she prized knowledge above everything, was ditzy and silly and very mischievous. There was a girl now within her walls that reminded her much of her beloved mother. Luna was intelligent, but she hid it behind dreamy smiles, vacant eyes and strange statements. She observed and learnt things outside of books and was always ready to laugh, even if it was not always out loud. It was very endearing and so very nostalgic. Hogwarts missed her mother terribly. She tried to watch out for the girl that reminded her so much of her mother, but it was not always easy. The other children picked on her, and though she had found protectors in the group form Gryffindor that always managed to get themselves into trouble, it was not enough. There was no one to protect her in the dormitory. No one to guard her in the common room. There was no one to watch out for her when the Gryffindor children were not around.

She wished she could wake her parents up and set them loose on these fools who now ruled the British Isles. But it wasn't time yet. They had to sleep a bit longer. The crisis had not yet reached the levels where she could justify their revival. But if she did nothing now, would her children ever learn? Would they not continue on as they had, segregating the society into Gryffindor and Slytherin, and the forgotten Houses of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw? Even if they won this war nothing would change. And they desperately needed change. So Hogwarts thought long and hard on this issue, considering as many angles as she was able before the hysterical crying of at least a dozen children waking from nightmares made up her mind.

This world was about to meet the Founders, and they were not going to be happy.


	2. Awakening

Salazar thought he was going to die. He really did. It felt like he had the worst hangover in the history of hangovers while a stampede of Hippogriffs ran around in his room, screeching at the top of their impressive lungs. He wanted to hide back under the deep blue covers and sleep for a year.

The gentle, almost hesitant prodding of Hogwarts made that impossible though, and he sighed as he sat up.

"'m 'wake, ya bloody castl'." He muttered, channelling Helga's dirty mouth for a moment and slurring his words in sleepy laziness. He swung his feet over the edge of his bed and froze. It couldn't be… Slowly he looked down and was met with young and strong legs, entirely unlike the old frail ones he had gone to sleep with.

His horrified scream woke up all the Slytherin Dungeons.

* * *

><p>Helga on the other hand took things very differently. She woke up to Hogwarts insistent mind-prodding and, being too tired to awaken, batted at the air as if it would make the determined castle go away. She then turned and buried her poor aching head in the comforter that was a lovely green colour, and damn Zar for picking green as his house colour before she could anyway. And damn Rowie who picked blue just to make Zar pick something else. And damn Goddy too, just because. And fuck Hogwarts with a big arse sledge hammer if she didn't stop fucking trying to make her wake up! She was bloody comfortable where she was, thank you very much! She picked her head up from her sinfully soft pillow to scream at the nearest wall, but stopped in mid-motion. Her eyes widened in surprise as she caught sight of her hands. They were soft. And smooth. There was not a fucking wrinkle in sight.<p>

She gave a whoop of joy and threw herself out of bed, heedless of her headache.

* * *

><p>Rowena simply sat up and blinked at the wall. Hogwarts poked at her mind again and, giggling, she poked back. This started a minor poking war between them that lasted for about five minutes before Rowena took notice of the rather irritating headache she seemed to have acquired. It reminded her of a hangover and she wondered absently if they had all gone drinking the night before. But remembering that they were really far too old to do something like that, she discarded the theory. She blinked down at her hands. They were rather youthful, if she did say so herself. She hadn't had hands so youthful since she was in her twenties. She turned to stare at the walls of her chamber, tilting her head in curiosity.<p>

"Dearest Hogwarts, what in the world did you do to us?" she asked and received a nervous feeling in return. Rowena blinked again.

"Did you put us to sleep, perhaps?" she asked rhetorically. "Did you perhaps make us young again because we are no longer in our time?" Hogwarts felt very nervous and slightly sheepish now. "How long have we slept for, dearest, loveliest castle?"

The answering year made her eyes widen before a mischievous smile grew across her lips. "Well now. I wonder how the others will react to this?" she mused aloud, skipping out of her bed, giddy with the thought of this most delightful prank their dear daughter had played on them.

* * *

><p>Godric stared at the ceiling. That might not have been such a weird thing, but for him it was. He had not been able to see this well since he was forty-five, which was well over two decades ago. He continued to stare at the ceiling, hoping it would give him the answers as to why he could see it now. And also perhaps enlighten him as to the reason he had the mother and father of all headaches while it was at it? Hogwarts prodded at him worriedly, asking in her own way how he was. He opened his mouth to answer but had to close it again. He kept staring at the ceiling. After nearly two minutes he opened his mouth again.<p>

"What?" was all he managed to squeak out. Hogwarts felt as though she was blushing. He never did figure out how he thought she could ever feel as though blushing since she was a castle made of stone, but she really did feel like it. He sat up and looked around his beautiful red and gold room, feeling a bit smug about it _still_. He was the only one of them that had managed to get his favourite colour as his House colour. Wena had wanted white, but Sally had said that it had to be a more noticeable colour, and in return she had picked blue, which was Sally's favourite. He'd been dismayed but quickly picked green, his second favourite, before Hel'a could get her laughter under control. While Hel'a had been busy screaming obscenities at an unrepentant Sally he'd picked red, so she wouldn't just to make him as miserable as everyone else was. Sally and Hel'a had sulked for weeks. It had been hilarious.

Godric shook his head, sternly telling his mind to focus. He let a snicker escape though. Then he attempted to get out of bed, only to become intimately acquainted with his chamber's floor. In other words, he fell out of his huge four poster bed that Sally had always called utterly pointless even as he stretched out and took up most of its surface in a way that really shouldn't be physically possible since Sally was hardly big enough to do it.

He gave up focusing as a lost cause. He'd never been all that good at it anyway. The only times he actually did was during battle and when making potions.

Then he noticed that the hands he tried to push himself up with weren't filled with wrinkles and age spots anymore. He stared at them for nearly five minutes and Hogwarts prodded at him again in concern.

He promptly gave a shriek that woke up the entire Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

><p>The Slytherins were terrified. Someone had screamed bloody murder and woken them all up half an hour ago, and whoever it was was <em>still<em> _screaming_, and not even Professor Snape had found out where it came from. Umbrige was waltzing around in a pink night-gown looking absolutely sickening against the dark green common room and not really doing anything of note. Some of the first years looked near tears, but they were Slytherins and taught that they must never show weakness lest others take advantage of it. Snape eventually marched them all out into the Great Hall, telling them to wait there while he investigated more thoroughly.

Five minutes after all the students had been seated at their table, the entire Lion's House came in, jumping at their own shadows, some crying in fear and that irritating know-it-all attempting to calm them all down without much success. Draco figured he should find out what happened, if only so he could report to Snape when he came back.

He sauntered over after making sure he looked as perfect as usual, betraying none of his own unease and fatigue.

"Granger!" he called with a sneer that he was secretly quite proud of. He'd practised long hours in front of the mirror to get it just right. She jumped visibly and whirled around.

"Oh, Malfoy." It was a clear indicator of how agitated she was that she didn't even glare at him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to smother her hair down in vain.

"I'm taking a swim." he drawled, crossing his arms over his chest. "What does it look like I'm doing Granger?" She flushed dark red and glowered at him. Draco smirked. Much better.

"You heard the scream too?" she queried, crossing her arms as well. Draco tilted his head. They were on different sides of the castle, a smart move by the Founders considering how much those two must have fought, so it was obvious that it was not the same scream they had heard.

"We heard _a_ scream." he answered, still lost in thought. If he hadn't been so bloody tired he wouldn't have been so cordial with the stupid Gryffindork, but he needed his nine hours of beauty sleep before his brain worked as it should! Granger looked thoughtful as well.

"I first thought it was one of the first year girls, but they were all fine, if a bit shaken by the abrupt awakening, so I went on to check on the second year girls, then the third year and then everyone else but they were all fine and none of them had screamed. Professor McGonagall came in as she had heard it in her quarters as well and made us all go here while she searches the Tower."

He nodded, looking over the terrified little Lion cubs. If the thing that screamed hadn't been a possible threat to him, he would have laughed at how pathetic they all looked. Granger twirled a curl of hair around her finger and bit her lip in thought. He sneered at the plebeian manners. Before she could start asking questions about his own House he turned on his heel and stalked back to the Slytherin table. Slytherin lesson number 5: never give up information when it is at all avoidable.

It was not long after that that the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs came stumbling in, looking exhausted, curious and frightened. Draco glanced at them briefly before starting a glaring match with Potter when he came wandering in with the Puffs. Why was he by the Hufflepuffs anyway? Wasn't he supposed to be in bed by now, like the rest of them? But noooooo. This was _Potter_ after all, and the teachers practically worshiped his footprints, the pretentious little Golden Brat. Of _course _he wouldn't be punished. He was glad that Umbrige didn't like the Gryffindork either. Professor Snape needed help deflating that overlarge head. He glowered more at the eyesore. Potter glared right back, far less efficient than his own glare, of course (this was yet another product of hours in front of the bathroom mirror, working on it until it was absolutely perfect.)

The teachers soon came in, gathering by the Head Table and speaking in low worried tones, but not low enough since Draco could still hear them. Honestly, as if the Dark Lord would strike the Slytherin common room. He rolled his eyes, unknowingly in unison with a certain Potions Master. Idiots the lot of them.

Harry glared at the blond the moment he stepped through the doors with the Hufflepuffs. He couldn't help it. It was as though the other boy had a magnet imbedded in his skull that made Harry look his way whenever they were in a room together. Harry's eyes widened when he realized what he had just thought. In a completely hateful way of course! To make him glare at the stuck up mini-Death Eater, not look at him and his unfairly pretty hair! Harry blanched at the last thought before resolving to never ever think about Malfoy's hair again and went back to glaring.

He could practically see the suspicion in the other's grey eyes and resisted the urge to smirk (because Harry looked ridiculous when he smirked and no amount of practice in the bathroom mirror could fix that.) Let him wonder…

In all honesty he'd been too worked up to sleep. The interview he'd given Rita had been published this morning and he was excited over the response it got but also deeply embarrassed and mildly depressed. He'd needed to be alone for a little while, to digest it all. Hermione gave him a disapproving look that he didn't see because he was too busy staring into Malfoy's eyes. Glaring! Too busy _glaring_ into Malfoy's eyes! He wanted to bash his head against the hard surface of the table but that would mean looking away first and that would mean that the little ferret would win so he didn't, but Merlin these miss-thoughts were really starting to bother him. His mind slipped into the wrong terminology a lot lately, especially concerning Malfoy. He nearly shook his head to clear it, but resisted.

Harry was quite comfortable in his camp on the west bank of denial.

He tried to strain his ears to catch what was being said by the teachers, but the whole Hall was abuzz with speculation and whispers so it was impossible. He heard some of the students next to him though, and they said something about screams in the Slytherin Dungeons and the Gryffindor Tower. Maybe Moaning Myrtle had tired of simply moaning? Harry thought somewhat hysterically. It wouldn't make sense for Voldemort to attack the Slytherins. They were practically all his little servants already, so what had caused all this? He glared at Malfoy thoughtfully, trying to channel his inner Hermione and figure it all out. It didn't work out so well. Partly because his inner Hermione was a great deal less smart than the actual Hermione and partly because Malfoy had really distracting eyes. Because he was glaring at him! He hated Malfoy's irritatingly pretty eyes! Harry felt the urge to bash his head against the table again, and resolved to avoid all thoughts of Malfoy's hair _and_ eyes for the rest of eternity if he could manage it.

"Harry, mate, did you hear what happened?" Ron asked as he sat down next to him. Harry started shaking his head, but stopped and glared even more fiercely for the near slip.

"No, not really. What exactly did happen?" he asked and heard Ron shift to get comfortable. "Well, there was this scream, see. First we thought some of the younger girls were in trouble, but they were all fine, so we started checking all the dormitories, cause you know, it might've been a bloke screaming like a girl yeah?" Harry nodded minutely, showing that he was listening without breaking eye contact with the slimy Slytherin. "But they were all okay too, so when McGonagall came in she made us go here so she could really check the place out. And Harry, who're you staring at?" Harry jumped at the last question and narrowed his eyes at Malfoy even more when the bastard smirked that superior smirk of his. That Harry was in no way jealous of. At all.

"Not staring. Glaring match with the ferret. No way am I gonna lose." He told his best mate. Ron clapped him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Yeah, can't let the slimy little snake think he's better than us, can we? Don't lose mate." Then he got up to bother Hermione who was still trying to calm the first years. That was why he liked Ron so much. Hermione would have given him a lecture on maturity and other stuff that he never listened too, but Ron just let him be.

Malfoy turned away and Harry smirked in victory before he noticed that the teachers were trying to get the Hall's attention. He quickly snapped his head in their direction, grumbling about bad timing. He would not accept a victory when outside forces had made him win! He was an honourable Gryffindor! He swore that he would win next time though.

Just as Dumbledore was about to speak he was interrupted by the doors to the Hall slamming open. Harry whirled around and stared at the unfamiliar woman who appeared to be whooping in joy. She had brown hair, was tall and wore green pyjamas. That was all he could see from the distance he was at. And also the fact that she seemed to be somewhat crazy, skipping around in circles and laughing loudly. Dumbledore stared at her for a while before he again opened his mouth, probably to address this crazy woman, but he was interrupted a second time. Another woman danced through the open doors, wearing a flowing white nightdress and seemed to be humming something. She was shorter than the other and had really long white-blond hair. She actually reminded him a bit of Luna. The other woman saw her and pretty much leaped at her, hugging her enthusiastically, still laughing and jumping around in circles.

The whole student body stared, open mouthed at the two strange females. The collective thought of 'What the hell?' was practically visible in the air over their heads. A minute passed and the women didn't look like they would stop their hug-dance-thing anytime soon. Umbrige gave that irritating "hem hem," that she did when she wanted attention. The two crazy ladies didn't take any notice of her at all, though, and just continued with their odd dance-hug-thing.

Draco had never seen anything so undignified before in his life (with the possible exception of the eating habits of a certain Weasel.) He wrinkled his aristocratic nose with aristocratic distaste for the display going on in front of them. Never mind who the women were or what they were doing there, but they really should stop that… that… Dance-hug-thing!

He was about to tell them so, in his most aristocratically disdained voice of course, when a man ran through the double-doors. He was of average height, slender and his rust-red hair was in complete disarray. The blue sleep robes were wrinkled and his sea green eyes were wide in what appeared to be horror. Draco felt a bit smug with his ability to read people before the man opened his mouth.

"WHAT THE FUCKING BLOODY FUCK IS GOING ON!" he screamed, and it was the same voice as the one that had screamed wordlessly for nearly half an hour down in the Slytherin Dungeons. The women stopped their dance-hug and turned to stare at him.

"Zar!" the tall brunette with pretty blue eyes called happily. "You look damn young!" Zar stared at her for a second. When he opened his mouth to answer another person came running through the Great Hall's doors. He ran straight into Zar and they fell to the floor in a tumble of limbs and curse words. The grey-eyed blond giggled at them from where she stood in the brunette's arms.

Draco didn't know who to stare at anymore. They were all so weird! Who were these people?

The new person had black hair and tan skin. He was taller than Zar by a quite a few centimetres and was squeaking like a first year Hufflepuff girl. The pyjamas he wore were as obnoxiously red as the Gryffindor House colour. Draco wrinkled his nose again. This man must have been a Gryffindor; no other alumnus would ever think to wear the colour in such a painfully bright shade.

The Gryffindor managed to get himself up on his arms over Zar, who was glaring at him with all the affronted anger of a scorned cat. The man blinked. "Sally!" he yelled happily, grinning like a loon. His head snapped backwards with a crunching sound a second later as Zar, or Sally, punched him in the nose.

The brunette laughed uproariously as the taller man cursed, somewhat muffled by the blood flowing from his nose. "Do. Not. Call. Me. Sally." Zar hissed murderously. The other man moaned pitifully and buried his head in Zar's shoulder. He mumbled something that Draco couldn't hear, but it obviously pissed the red-haired man of more as he pushed the other of him and got to his feet, glaring the most complete and perfect glare Draco had ever seen. He resolved to practise more.

The blond giggled again and wormed her way out of the brunette's embrace, dancing over to the two men, completely ignoring anyone and everyone else.

Finally Dumbledore seemed to have composed himself, and addressed the four strange, _strange _people.

"Who are you?" he asked them, and Draco no longer wondered why the Dark Lord could be weary of the man. He sounded dangerous and authoritative. Draco turned to look at the people who seemed entirely unconcerned with having one of the most powerful wizards in the world angry with them.

"Calm the hell down old man." The brunette said and giggled delightedly. She turned to the other three and shouted joyously, "I can call someone fucking old again!"

"That's really nice, Hel'a." The Gryffindork said, pouting a bit when the blond woman smacked him to make him sit still. "But Sally hit me!" The red haired man's glare turned even more intense, if possible.

"And I will again if you keep calling me Sally!" he yelled. "My name is Salazar! Sa. La. Zar! Salazar!" The black haired man pouted some more, and Harry suddenly felt as though his brain was melting out of his ears.

"Salazar?" he asked disbelievingly. The red haired man looked at him. "As in Salazar Slytherin?"

"Yes? What of it?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Wait. I don't know you. What are you doing in our castle?"

Umbrige finally found her air again, and stepped forward.

"_Your_ castle?" she asked in that disgusting sweet tone. "I don't know who you are trying to fool young man, but Hogwarts castle belongs to the Magical Government of Great Britain." She smiled, and the student body shuddered collectively. "Now, if you don't give up your real name, I'll be forced to call the Aurors on you."

The man gaped openly at her. "Hogwarts belongs to a Government? Real name? What- How- Why does- Rowena!" The blond giggled at him again, and rose from her crouched position next to the obviously Gryffindor man, done apparently healing his broken nose.

"It seems our loveliest, sweetest daughter has played a prank on us." She said, looking around at the multitudes of students.

"A bloody prank?" the brunette asked, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. "You mean that this shit is all an illusion and we will wake up fucking wrinkled," she paused to grimace in distaste, "and old again?"

The black haired man gasped dramatically. "I really don't want that! I like seeing! I haven't seen Sally's face properly in years! Sally, save me!" He cried melodramatically and the man who claimed to be Salazar Slytherin rolled his eyes and kicked at him.

"I might have, but then you called me Sally, and now I no longer want to. And get off the floor already, you big oaf. " The man grinned and jumped to his feet, throwing his arms around Salazar's neck which earned him a long suffering sigh, but he was not thrown off as Harry was expecting. The blond woman cooed at them for a while, before Umbrige's "hem hem" woke her out of the daze.

"Oh right." she said, snapping her fingers. "No, it's not like that Helga. The question you should be asking is for how long exactly we've been sleeping." She smiled at them all encouragingly, blinking the large grey eyes expectantly. The woman called Helga, Helga Hufflepuff presumably Harry thought, internally scoffing, narrowed her eyes in thought.

"You mean Hogwarts bloody well put us to fucking sleep?" she asked, and when the woman who was apparently Rowena nodded happily they all stilled slightly. "That bitch." she whispered.

"For how long have we been sleeping, Wena?" the black haired man asked, face serious now. Rowena gave them all a blinding smile. "A little over nine hundred years."

The silence in the Hall was deafening, despite the large number of people around. "_Nine_-" Salazar choked out, dazed. "_Nine hundred years?_" Helga looked faint.

"Yes. Nine hundred." Rowena nodded, seemingly oblivious to her companions' distress. "Quite the prank wouldn't you say?" she asked brightly and cast a loving look at the nearest wall.

Dumbledore chuckled softly as he approached them, McGonagall by his side who looked at the four strangers sternly. "Yes, quite the prank you've pulled on us all." he said, twinkle back in his baby blue eyes. "Now if you would please tell us who you are we'd be delighted to give you beds for the night and send you on your way come the morning." Rowena grinned brightly again.

"I am Rowena Ravenclaw. Upon my Magic and Soul, Upon my Body as Whole, I so Solemnly Swear, I am Who I've Told." There was a rush of magic and a soft white glow settled around her for a few seconds before fading. Dumbledore's face seemed to lose all colour. He reached an old and withered hand out to grab a hold of McGonagall's rigid shoulder as support for his suddenly weak body. Umbrige opened and closed her mouth several times like a fish, eyes darting between the four gathered before her. Salazar sighed.

"I am Salazar Slytherin. Upon my Magic and Soul, Upon my Body as Whole, I so Solemnly Swear, I am Who I've Told." Another white light enveloped him for a few seconds before fading, cementing the fact that two of the Founders had returned from the dead. The black haired man still hanging around his shoulders grinned widely. "I am Godric Gryffindor. Upon my Magic and Soul, Upon my Body as Whole, I so Solemnly Swear, I am Who I've Told." During his oath he never let go of Salazar and the light settled around them both, showing as white around Godric and red around the original Slytherin. Helga laughed loudly again, apparently recovered from her near fainting spell earlier.

"I am Helga Hufflepuff. Upon my Magic and Soul, Upon my Body as Whole, I so Solemnly Swear, I am Who I've Told." She looked down on her hands when the light settled around her, grinning like a maniac. "This is so fucking cool!" she exclaimed waving her glowing arms around until it was gone. Rowena blinked slowly at her. "I can teach you a spell that makes you glow in all the colours of the rainbow." She said serenely, seemingly completely unaffected by the fact that they had slept for centuries. Slytherin groaned.

"Please don't. I'd rather retain my normal colour if it can be helped. And you know she'd curse me first." He glared at her accusingly, the heat of it somewhat diminished by the fact that Godric was still hanging onto his neck. Helga glared back at him. "You picked green! You bloody well know how much I fucking adore green you twat! Feel my vengeance!"

Salazar scowled at her. "Not this again! Rowena took blue! What other colour was I supposed to pick!"

"Red!" Helga growled. "You still wouldn't have gotten your fucking favourite, but at least Goddy would have been bloody miserable too! Now he's all fucking smug cause he was the only one that got his bloody favourite fucking colour!" They paused in their argument to glare at the man who gave a yelp and hid behind Rowena. He stuck his tongue out at them over her shoulder. Dumbledore said something in a weak voice, but they ignored him entirely.

"Not my fault you two are idiots!" He sounded far too happy when he said that and Salazar raised his hand as if he was going to curse him, but paused and stared at it. "Where is my wand?" he asked, which prompted the other three to blink and look at their own empty hands.

"Fuck." Helga intoned before she, Godric and Salazar took of out the doors, intent on finding their missing wands. Rowena smiled sweetly at the Headmaster. "We'll be right back after we've got our wands, okay?" she said, and before anyone could protest or answer, she had skipped out of the Hall.

It was deathly silent for a few minutes as they heard the loud, arguing voices of the Founders fade before Snape managed to choke out four words.

"I need a drink."


	3. Tales of Former Lives

After he had gotten over the shock Dumbledore was delighted. The Founders! What incredible luck! Godric Gryffindor was sure to help them defeat Voldemort once and for all! And he was certain that he could keep Slytherin locked up to prevent him from aiding his heir when the state of the world today reached them. He was already planning which room might be able hold a Dark Lord of Slytherin's supposed calibre when two of the four returned to the now empty Great Hall. He had sent all students and most teachers back to bed and as such only the Heads of Houses were still there. He'd even managed to make Umbrige return to her quarters, which he felt was an accomplishment for which he should receive a reward.

Godric came in first, slamming his hand against the doorway and whooping in triumph. He grinned wickedly over his shoulder where Slytherin stood scowling.

"Bastard." The man told him before he swept past the Gryffindor into the Hall. Godric skipped after him happily.

"Rowena and Helga will be back soon." Slytherin informed them, "They disappeared somewhere and Hogwarts won't tell us where." He scowled at the wall, ignorant of the way Dumbledore's eyebrows rose. Perhaps he wouldn't need to lock the man up. He was obviously insane if he thought the castle could speak. Maybe he could just pretend to be Hogwarts and tell him to stay put.

"Yeah Hoggy! Who knows what they might be doing!" Godric called at the same wall. "They might be putting up Looking-spells in our bedrooms again!"

Dumbledore was growing concerned. If Godric was insane as well would he be of use in the conflict? He shook the thought off. For now he needed to organize this whole mess.

"Well then gentlemen, if you would please tell us how this all came to be we'd be much obliged." He smiled kindly at them and Slytherin glanced at him again. He crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, regarding him with steady, very much sane eyes.

"We went to bed in our late sixties one day and woke up suddenly looking twenty again, finding out that we have slept for almost a thousand years and pretty much freaking the fuck out." Dumbledore blinked.

"You were in the castle?" he asked baffled. "But I was under the impression that you never returned after you had your disagreement and left." Both Slytherin and Godric blinked at him.

"What?" the original Gryffindor asked eventually. "Why would you think that?" It was now Dumbledore's turn to blink in confusion. "But if he was not back in the castle, how did he wake up in it?"

Slytherin shook his head, making the red hair dance around his face. "That wasn't what Godric was asking. He was asking why in the world you'd think I'd ever leave Hogwarts."

"You are saying you did not?" Severus asked, stepping forward. Slytherin's pale eyes flashed to him and studied the tall man for a few minutes. "Never. I did not leave these halls for longer than a month at a time after her completion."

Well. That was unexpected, Dumbledore thought shifting his weight. Did that mean that the other Founders supported his beliefs? If so, he had a huge problem on his hands. He needed more information. He was just about to start the interrogation again when the two women came in, giggling. Slytherin and Godric were immediately wary. Godric inched away from the happy forms when they stopped beside him and Slytherin cast them distrustful glares. Dumbledore wondered if they were finally remembering the feud they must have had. He could understand that they would cling to each other in so new circumstances, that they would revert to the close friendship they must once have had, but eventually the hostility would return, and discreetly he readied his wand if it should come to curses. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the others do the same.

"What, _exactly_, did you two do while you were gone?" Slytherin asked, unease colouring his voice. Rowena giggled insanely, glancing between Godric and Slytherin, while Helga simply looked very, very smug.

"Nothing my darlings. We did absolutely nothing _at all_." Helga assured them with a huge shit-eating grin on her face. Godric stumbled away from her. He pointed a shaking finger at the brunette, working his mouth without sound for a while.

"_YOU PUT LOOKING-SPELLS IN OUR ROOMS AGAIN!_" he finally shrieked, looking from Rowena to Helga and back. Slytherin paled and hid himself behind Godric when the women only giggled more, confirmation in their silence.

"Seriously Rowena. This obsession of yours is really unhealthy." Slytherin said nervously, glancing at them from over Godric's shoulder. She grinned wider, eyes glowing in a very frightening way. "Obsession is such a strong word…"

Godric squeaked when she looked at him, and tried to make himself smaller. "You're really scary when you're like this Wena." He told her matter-of-factly in a voice slightly higher than normal. Helga laughed, or rather cackled manically.

Dumbledore was honestly rather intimidated by the two of them as well, though he'd never admit it. Godric was right when he said that they were scary like that. He cleared his throat, almost timidly, attempting to put the meeting of sorts back on track. Pomona was starting to look slightly demented herself, what with the large smile and glittering eyes. He supposed it was the confirmation she had always wanted, that Helga was neither forgettable nor weak.

"If we could return to the topic…" he said, hiding his nervousness expertly. The Founders looked at him with sheepish expressions before nodding. "Right," the Headmaster said, more confidently. "I assume you have rooms to sleep in for the night." He paused, waiting for them to nod, or in Slytherin's case, roll his eyes before he continued. "I have just received information from these two gentlemen" he nodded at Slytherin and Godric, "that the history we have about you might be false. So unless you are very tired and really wish to return to bed, perhaps you could give us the cliff notes of your lives?" He peered at them over the rim of his half-moon spectacles expectantly. Slytherin shrugged looking at the other three. "Personally I feel we've slept for too long. We might as well." The others nodded and Gryffindor threw his arms around the Slytherins neck again, which prompted more eye-rolling from the redheaded man. Rowena giggled loudly as she looked at them and they gave her fearful glances.

"Well, Rowena and I have been friends since we were children." Helga began. "Our families, may the fucking bastards burn their arses of in hell, were allies and spent a lot of time together. When we were fourteen Rowie was married of to some rich arsehole with nothing going for him but money and being an utter twat and I saw less and less of her. She had a child, Helena, when she was sixteen so she spent a lot of time with her daughter and even less with me. By that time we saw each other maybe once a fucking month." She paused to pout at the other woman who smacked her arm good-naturedly. "I was never fucking sold off like Rowie was since I used to curse all of the dumb-fuck suitors my shit-headed parents sent my way so they didn't often come back." She giggled in fond remembrance.

"Then one day when we were seventeen and Helena had just turned one, I left her with the house elves and went to a pub with Helga, against my husband's orders." Rowena giggled. "I liked doing things against his orders, since it pissed him off ever so much. He and I never really got along you see." Dumbledore nodded, fascinated by the story. "Anyway, we went to a pub and had to threaten our way to a few drinks. They didn't like giving women alcohol, chauvinistic pigs." She was almost eerily cheerful when she spoke about threatening people, and Dumbledore exchanged an uneasy glance with Minerva.

"There we found Zar and Goddy, in the middle of a drunken argument. Obviously Zar was wining." She giggled at Godric's pouty expression and Slytherin's smug look. "Zar started cursing his wife in some very foul language, calling her all sorts of names." She said, slyly looking at the mentioned man.

"She was a bitch!" he defended. "She was completely airheaded! I could never have any sort of useful conversation with her, and all she wanted was to waste all my money on clothes!" he grumbled. "The only good thing that woman did was give birth to my children. My sons, Marvolo and Lancelot, who were two years and four months respectively at the time. I loved them, but she didn't." he scowled darkly at the floor. A calm aura swept through the room, settling around their shoulders like a warm hug. Dumbledore blinked at the unexpected feeling even as Slytherin's dark face relaxed. "Thank you Hogwarts." He smiled, looking at the wall again.

Dumbledore's eyes widened. Maybe Slytherin and Godric weren't crazy, maybe the castle really was aware. It was certainly not the strangest thing to ever have happened. And it explained so much! He could not believe that he had never thought of it himself. Their conversation on how they had ended up asleep for so long made much more sense with this in mind as well. He looked up to find Godric squeezing Slytherin's shoulders almost tenderly, giving him a very gentle look. His eyebrows furrowed. If they had had the legendary falling out he doubted that they would be acting this way. Perhaps history was wrong about more than Slytherin leaving the castle? He could hear Severus gnashing his teeth beside him and gave the man an admonishing look. Really, the least he could do was make sure his dislike for Gryffindors was not quite so obvious. They wanted to be welcoming, after all.

"Anyway," Rowena continued, "they got progressively more drunk over time and the argument made less and less sense but it was very amusing to watch." She giggled again.

"Yeah, the little wankers were fucking hilarious." Helga agreed, giggling along with her friend. McGonagall wrinkled her nose at the constant swearing. She was sorely tempted to tell the woman of, but realized that that might not be the best of ideas. She was a Founder after all, even if her vocabulary left something to be desired.

"Then Goddy was trying to make Zar shut up and-" Rowena interrupted herself with a loud squeal, followed by giggles at alarming decibels. Godric cleared his ear out as if it was ringing and gave the woman a dirty look. He offered a charming, slightly sheepish smile to the five modern wizards.

"I don't really remember much about that night. It was decades ago for us and, well, I was well and truly pissed." He laughed, and Slytherin rolled his eyes again, giving the Gryffindor an exasperated look. "I do remember the morning, though." Godric grinned. "It was one of those moments you never ever forget, you know?" He tilted his head, reminiscent of Slytherin for a moment. Dumbledore chuckled. Yes, he'd had quite a few of those moments as well. Severus was looking more and more horrified as the story went on, and Dumbledore got the feeling that perhaps it was not his abhorrence of all things Gryffindor which made him scowl as he did, but rather that the man understood something the others did not.

"It was quite a…" Slytherin paused, seemingly searching for the right word, "compromising position we woke up in." he explained, giving Rowena the evil eye. "I'm sure it was somehow her fault." He said and Rowena squealed again, causing Godric and Helga to wince at the volume.

"We had _apparently,_" he paused to glare pointedly at Ravenclaw again, "rented a room at the pub for the night. Rowena was sleeping in one corner and Helga was getting us breakfast and water for our hangovers. Thank the Gods Godric keeps hangover solutions on his belt." He muttered, shifting to get comfortable in Gryffindor's invasive embrace. "That morning would have turned out very differently if we had been cranky from hangovers." Godric cackled at that.

"Yeah, we would've never started talking like we did if you'd been in too much pain to tolerate a little teasing, and then we'd never have become friends and Hoggy probably wouldn't have been built." He grinned at the man in his arms, who directed a sneer at him, but Dumbledore noticed that it was rather half-hearted. Godric turned to face them, golden eyes almost glowing in the candle light from above. "We started talking a lot, skipping 'round subjects and then someone said something about a school and we all really liked the idea." He grinned widely again, looking very handsome, draped as he was over the shorter male's shoulders.

"We kinda kept meeting up and whenever we did someone'd bring up the school again and we'd plan more things and hash out more and more details. Eventually we'd decided on pretty much everything but where it was supposed to be. I mean, there weren't exactly any convenient castle's just lying about to move into so we were a bit stumped on that." He grinned happily at them. "Then my parents started bugging me about moving out of their house and building a huge manor home for the family to live in in the future. So I thought, "Hey, why not use all this money to make the school we've been talking about?" and that's kinda what I did. I searched out the most magical place on the islands and started building Hoggy there. 'Course, my wife didn't exactly approve of it." He grimaced a bit guiltily.

"Her name was Victoria, and she was… well, kinda difficult to be honest. We had _very_ different views on the world. She thought that putting up a school would be a waste, that children should be taught by their parents and that people shouldn't step outside of the socially acceptable circles. She wasn't a bad woman, and she was a really good mother. We just… didn't click. But she really took good care of the kids. Mary, Elizabeth and Arthur. Arthur was actually the same age as Lancelot, Sally's youngest." Slytherin cut him off abruptly with a sharp elbow to the stomach, hissing "don't call me that."

Helga continued as Godric and Slytherin engaged in an elbowing war. "After Goddy started throwing shitloads of money into building Hogwarts we finally realized that this thing was fucking happening so we started throwing in whatever we could scrape together. Of course, we weren't all as filthy rich as Goddy so we just gave any leftover money we had. And Goddy is a really fucking picky git so he _had_ to have dwarves build it, and fuck me if that did not cost a small goddamned fortune." Rowena giggled at Godric's affronted "hey!" and the expressions of distaste McGonagall and Snape gave Helga for her choice in words. She left her fellow Founders to their arguing and continued with the story.

"It's true that he was picky about who got to build it, but he was even pickier about who was allowed to ward the property. Zar is unparalleled when it comes to warding and he taught us a lot about it so we could help him. We started with the warding while the dwarves were working, and didn't stop until she was completely finished. Considering the location and the skill we all acquired after a while, it's really no surprise how powerful the protections became." She smiled gently at nothing but Dumbledore got the impression that she was smiling at the castle. "After a few years she became sentient." Gasps immediately rang around them as the four Heads of House started looking about the Great Hall in disbelief. Dumbledore chuckled at them, keeping his calm and his reputation as omniscient.

"You knew?" Filius yelled, voice even more squeaky than normal. Dumbledore chuckled again when the other three rounded on him as well. "I suspected." He said easily with a kind smile, not really lying. He _had_ suspected, for about twenty minutes now. Rowena smiled at him knowingly and he let his eyes twinkle at her, believing she would keep his secret.

"You suspected that the castle we live in is aware and you didn't see fit to tell us?" Minerva demanded, cheeks starting to colour in the famous Gryffindor temper. Dumbledore held his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Now, now, Minerva." He said, somewhat nervously. His Deputy was frightening when she was angry. Helga laughed. "You mean that Hogwarts never told you?" When they all shook their heads she almost collapsed in hysterics. Slytherin gave her a weird look, inching away as best he could in Godric's arms.

"_Anyway,_" Slytherin began, straining slightly to be heard over Helga's mirth. "It took nearly two years for even the dwarves to build her, so we had plenty of time to ward. Godric chose a good place, even though he didn't realize why. The magical concentration had been left completely undisturbed for nearly a thousand years before we arrived, and with the added magic of being the binding point of three lay lines, this is an extremely powerful spot." Slytherin looked up at Godric with warm, proud eyes. "Picking this place is one of the few things you've done right in your life." He told him and Godric shone up like a sun. They kept staring at each other, Godric with a large bright smile and Slytherin with a smaller but no less fond one, seemingly forgetting their surroundings. Severus looked absolutely horrified, apparently over the shock of finding out that Hogwarts was sentient already. The Headmaster was staring to suspect why, but surely it couldn't be… He was broken out of his thoughts by Rowena's loud cooing and Helga's snickers.

"Not one word." Slytherin hissed icily, which only caused the brunette to laugh louder.

"When Hoggy was finished we all moved in." Godric continued, "We each have apartments in the wings with our respective Houses and we brought our families with us. Wena's husband took some convincing though." Godric scowled at the mention of him, and Dumbledore found he looked surprisingly menacing. Slytherin stared at him in concern before lifting a hand to stroke at the other man's arm soothingly. The Gryffindor calmed a bit, but he was still glaring harshly at the floor.

"He died a few weeks after the move, just before Helena's fourth birthday." Rowena commented dreamily, and Minerva put on a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry." She said gently. The Ravenclaw waved a negligent hand through the air. "Yes, yes, accidental poisoning, very sad." Her grin was somewhat demented and it was honestly frightening the five people who were not used to her.

"Wh-what?" Pomona asked in nervous disbelief. Helga and Slytherin traded shark-like smiles and Godric gained a very predatory look in his eyes. "Yes," he said, sounding very pleased with himself, "A day after Wena stumbled out of their apartments covered in bruises he accidentally chugged a whole vial of newly brewed poison that happened to be lying around. Very sad indeed." He nodded but never lost the air of smug satisfaction that hung around him. Slytherin gave him another proud look and squeezed his arm happily.

"Err… yes. And after the tragic passing of the lady's husband, what happened?" Dumbledore asked, a bit unsettled by the brutality they all excluded. Slytherin looked at him, grinning at his obvious discomfort.

"Then the students started arriving." He told them. "The first batch was ridiculously small, only thirteen in all, but as the years went past the classes grew bigger and bigger. When our own children started we had an average of fifty-two new students per year." The pride was glowing from his eyes and he stood a bit straighter than he did before. "I didn't get all the muggleborns away from their parents in time, unfortunately, but-" He was interrupted by Minerva.

"You took the muggleborns way from their parents?" she asked aghast. The glare she directed at Slytherin might have melted steel. The redhead drew back into Godric's embrace a bit, unnerved by the sudden rage. "How could you? They deserve to be with their parents just as much as any other children! How dare you-"

The sudden and furious growl that came from the original Gryffindor cut her off abruptly. He gathered Slytherin protectively against his chest and glared at Minerva with such heat that she took a step back.

"What the bloody fuck are you shouting about?" Helga demanded, crossing her arms over her ample chest, scowling harshly. "You think he should have left them there? With the parents that fucking tortured and murdered their own bloody children in attempts to "Drive the Devil out of them"? With parents that fucking beat them and starved them and treated them worse than damn _animals_?" Minerva paled, and started stuttering out apologies, but the angry Founders didn't seem too receptive.

"I have noticed," Rowena began, staring coldly at them in a way that made even Dumbledore want to fidget, "that you look at Salazar as you would a rabid dog." The Headmaster shifted, uncertain about how to respond to that. "You look at Salazar as though he might snap and attack you at any second. I don't like it. Explain." she growled.

Dumbledore sighed heavily. He didn't want to do this now, but it seemed he had no choice. He glanced at the Heads of House, who nodded, and took a deep breath, ready to launch into the, apparently incorrect, history about pureblood supremacy and the current world affairs.

He spoke for nearly three hours, describing the history of Hogwarts as they had believed it previously, the view the world today had of the original Slytherin, the wars, and Voldemort's actions and goals. The Founders were silent throughout, not interrupting save for the occasional gasp or curse. By the time he was done Godric had manoeuvred Slytherin into a protective hold that took him out of the line of fire should it come to that, glaring distrustfully at the five modern wizards. Slytherin was pale, but his eyes burned. He was not pleased about his supposed heir's actions.

"I never believed that muggleborns were worth less than purebloods." He informed them, mouth set in a disgusted frown. "I wanted the muggleborns removed from their birth parents before their first birthday and left with a wizarding family, since the muggles had the habit of trying to kill them for their accidental magic." His frown deepened. "There weren't enough families that wanted to take them though, so I could only save a few." He looked sad and tired and leaned his head against Godric's wide shoulder, seeking comfort. "I only wanted what was best for them." Godric hugged him tighter and Rowena reached over to place a comforting hand against his shoulder.

"We know you did." She said softly. "You were always so gentle with them, especially the really damaged ones. It was plain as day how much you loved them." Helga came over and hugged the part of him that was not enveloped in Godric's strong arms. "We'll fix this shit." She told him gently. "We'll find that fucking twit and we'll kick him in the bollocks to show him how wrong he's been. He's no heir of yours." Slytherin laughed weakly and wormed an arm around her waist. "Thank you."

Dumbledore looked away, uncomfortable. It felt as though he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. He met with Minerva's shiny eyes. She looked like she might cry at any moment and Severus stood with his arms crossed, a pleased air around him. With this information his house might regain a bit of its former honour. Minerva stepped forward and bowed her head.

"My deepest apologies for assuming what I did. I didn't- I-" She stuttered uncharacteristically, trying to find the words. Slytherin looked at her for a long minute before sighing. "I really cannot blame you, considering what you just told us. You are forgiven."

"I am sorry to break this up," Dumbledore began, looking from Minerva to the Founders. "but do you have any idea why we would believe that you had a falling out?"

Godric snickered quietly and Salazar groaned, burying his face in the red pyjamas of the other man while Helga grinned wickedly, eyes glimmering in schadenfreude. Rowena giggled at their reactions.

"Lancelot, Zar's youngest, was courting a girl called Christina when they were seventeen. She was very pretty, but not particularly smart." She paused when Salazar groaned again. "Arthur, Goddy's son, thought that she was pretty too, and offered her beautiful clothing and jewellery and she chose him instead. Lancelot became enraged and left the castle, swearing vengeance." She giggled loudly. "Zar had to run after him and talk some sense into the boy, promising that he'd find someone better than Christina eventually." She laughed. "He did, of course, and Arthur was stuck with an empty-headed ditz as a wife, but they never really got over it." Godric snickered again and Helga was cackling at them both.

"I used to put them next to each other in class as much as I could." He said, face bright and happy again. "It was hilarious to watch them mock each other."

"You would think that." Salazar muttered, muffled slightly by the shoulder he still pressed his face against. He looked up, glancing at the modern wizards. "I'm just mortified that he'd pick someone as airheaded as his mother to court. Thank the Gods he didn't actually marry her."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, history has been known to distort things. It's very possible that your sons' feud was moved on to you over the centuries."

The Ravenclaw turned to look at him, tilting her head to the side. "You know, I don't think that you have introduced yourselves yet." she said staring at the five wizards and witches. Filius squeaked in dismay, quickly jumping forward to do just that. "My name is Filius Flitwick, I am the Head of House Ravenclaw and the Charms teacher." Rowena blinked at him and beamed. "You're the one to look after my chicks!" she said ecstatically, clapping her hands together. "You'll have to tell me all about them later!" Filius nodded happily, glad that she seemed to like him.

"I am Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress, Head of House Gryffindor and the Transfiguration teacher." Godric looked her over and waved. Before he could say anything however, Severus spoke.

"I am Severus Snape, Head of House Slytherin and the Potions teacher." he said silkily, staring at them piercingly, as observant as always. Salazar regarded him with steady, judging eyes, before nodding his head in approval. "You seem to take good care of my snakes." He said and Severus inclined his head in response to the compliment.

"My name is Pomona Sprout, I am the Head of House Hufflepuff and the Herbology teacher." She smiled kindly at them. "It's a pleasure to meet you." Godric looked at her, then at Helga and burst out laughing. Salazar rolled his eyes and elbowed him again and Helga pouted at her Gryffindor friend. "Stop fucking laughing, you bloody prat!" she yelled. "She might not be exactly like me, but that does not give you the goddamn right to laugh in her fucking face, you dumb-shit!" she hit him over the head angrily.

"Don't mind him." She told the embarrassed Sprout. "He's a twat. I like you, and that's all that matters." She gave Godric another glare and crossed her arms over her chest again.

"And I am Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster." Dumbledore said before the two Founders could start arguing for real. He took a look at the ceiling, noticing that the sky was staring to brighten. "Perhaps we should speak more later." He said, "I believe that the students will start arriving soon."

The others looked up too, and nodded their consent to postponing further talk. Salazar suddenly looked over at Severus.

"I want to speak with my snakes. Today preferably. I don't want them to believe that I am a pureblood supremacist any longer than absolutely necessary." Severus crossed his arms in thought.

"If I may suggest, Headmaster," he eventually said, "I think we should cancel classes to give the students time to get to know their Founder. I sincerely doubt that they will be able to concentrate properly today after the late night and the rather shocking conclusion of it anyway."

"That sounds like an excellent idea, dear boy." Dumbledore said brightly, ignoring the grimace Severus made at the endearment. "That is, unless you do not feel up to it?"

"I think that is a most wonderful idea, Master Dumbledore." Rowena agreed for them all, grinning wickedly.


	4. The Second First Meeting

The silence was deafening. A few of the Hufflepuffs shifted and glanced uncertainly at each other. Their Founder had been silent for quite a while, and she kept staring at them with that strange, scary expression on her face and none of the students dared to speak. Pomona was looking more and more unnerved by the second, shifting her weight and wringing her hands. She opened her mouth once or twice, trying to gather her courage, but every time she tried to speak her voice would fail her. Finally the tense atmosphere was broken, by none other than Helga herself.

"WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL HAS HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING HOUSE?"

The House gave a collective flinch. Helga's eyes burned with unholy fire, glaring at the frightened children before her.

"YOU– WHY– HOW–" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her lips were moving slightly and some of the closest students could swear that the heard her mutter "I'm not angry, everything is perfectly fine, find your happy place, Zar in his wife's dress. I'm not angry-", but that was impossible, right?

Eventually she rounded on Sprout, who jumped back like a scared rabbit before a fox, with a very fake and incredibly scary smile on her face. "Why, pray tell," she began in a falsely cheerful voice that made a few students of all ages cry in fright, "has my House turned into a fucking breeding ground for pussies?"

Pomona flushed at the profanity and the implications and floundered for an answer to satisfy the Founder. She averted her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else, such as Voldemort's dungeons or swallowed up by her own Devil's Snare. It seemed like so nice, safe places.

Helga growled softly when the Head couldn't answer her, looking as if she tried to melt into the cheery wood panelling behind her. She turned back to her badgers, grimacing at the sight of them. If Goddy or Zar found out about the state of her House, she'd never live it down. Ever. They'd even find a way to torment her about it in the afterlife, she was sure.

"Alright, that does it." She said loudly enough to be heard by everyone in the room. "I'm gonna have to teach you pathetic lot how to grow some fucking spines, and you're not leaving the blasted room until I'm satisfied you're not gonna go embarrass the fuck out of me." She smiled widely, and the insane, sadistic sparkle in her eyes made the poor Hufflepuffs nearly wet themselves in terror.

* * *

><p>The Slytherins were calm, collected and sophisticated. They were lounging elegantly on the dark green furniture, watching their Founder expectantly and looking like miniature kings and queens. Draco felt quite smug about the appearance of nobility they had managed to affect. Now that the shock had passed, he was quite excited to meet this legendary Dark Lord. The undignified display in the Great Hall was blissfully forgotten and he was certain that the man would praise them all for trying to uphold his values in the face of such opposition.<p>

Salazar stared back at them, letting his pale green eyes rove over their forms one by one. Finally he sighed and crossed his arms. "How many people in this room believe in Pureblood Supremacy?" he asked and Draco proudly raised his arm, along with everyone else. Even those who didn't exactly uphold the ideal did, since they all wanted to be on the man's good side.

Surprisingly, instead of immediately praising them, he dropped his face in his hands and groaned. "All of you?" he asked, his voice filled with an emotion Draco couldn't identify. "Every single one?" Draco was feeling vaguely discontented. Yes, discontented not nervous, because Malfoy's did not get nervous. Slytherin was not acting as he was supposed to act at all.

When no one answered him he groaned again. If he didn't know any better, Draco could have sworn that the Founder muttered "Great, I have a House full of morons. That's just fantastic." But surely that couldn't be.

Slytherin looked up at them, red hair dancing from the unnecessarily jerky motion. He stared at the students for a few seconds. "If you are all Pureblood Supremacists, I feel obligated to inform you that I hate you all." As one, the previously very dignified Slytherins' jaws dropped and they stared at the man in horrified silence. Salazar nodded and crossed his arms again. "If you believe in the tripe that Purebloods are magically more powerful or somehow more worthy of that magic than Muggleborns, then you're heads are denser than rock, and quite possibly filled with nothing but fluff." Draco felt faint from shock and was too disturbed to hide it as a proper Slytherin should. He swooned slightly, pressing a hand to his forehead dramatically. His delicate, noble blood pressure could not handle surprises like these.

Suddenly, Slytherin grinned and Draco's survival instincts urged him to run away screaming like a little girl. "I will quite enjoy teaching you the error of your ways, I'm sure." The man said, eyes glittering with something dangerously close to insanity. Draco whimpered in fright.

* * *

><p>"Hi!" Godric shouted as soon as he stepped foot in the common room. Harry grinned. He was meeting an actual Founder! Godric Gryffindor! He just barely contained himself from bouncing on the spot. His Housemates were no better, sitting up straight with shining eyes as they watched the real life legend look around the room in curiosity. The man grinned. "Wow, this place sure has changed." he commented and a few stray laughs were heard from the gathered students.<p>

"Right, I'm pretty sure you know who I am, so I won't introduce myself." He smiled goofily at them, and flopped gracelessly down on a couch. "I'm just gonna give you a few tips on how to be a Gryffindor." The students leaned close, eagerly awaiting the pearls of wisdom that was soon to flow from his lips. The man sat up straight, and crossed his legs carelessly.

"First thing you gotta remember is that Ravenclaws" Harry leaned forward so much he nearly slipped from his seat. "are never to be messed with." Godric shuddered. "They are really smart and _really_ creative. The consequence just isn't worth it."

Gryffindor grinned at the confused but attentive expressions. Man, this was gonna be priceless.

"Second, is that Hufflepuffs are some of the scariest mofo's on earth when they want to be. Proceed with caution." Some of the Gryffindors scoffed and looked away, convinced he was pulling their leg. Godric frowned at them. "Hey, I'm serious. They might not be scary in this time, but when Helga is done with them, you can bet your arse that they will be."

Harry wasn't quite sure what he was expecting, but this wasn't it. Still, he soaked up every word, convinced that soon his idol would start speaking with wisdom. I mean, he couldn't possibly really be this carefree, could he? Harry had blissfully forgotten about the episode in the Great Hall where the man had made a complete fool of himself. Godric spoke again and Harry perked up, expecting tips on how to battle dragons and Dark Lords.

"Thirdly," the man said, face having gone serious, and Harry was certain that he was finally going to inform them of how to kill Voldemort. "Slytherins are really fun to mess with, and I encourage pranking them as much as you can, but if I catch anyone of my lions _attacking_ one of the snakes, I will curse them into oblivion."

The room was dead silent, the faces of the many students shocked and scared by the dangerous tone and unexpected words. Godric's serious expression did not let up. "Do I make myself perfectly clear?" he growled softly. The students were quick to nod their consent, even through the haze of confusion that swirled around in their heads. Godric immediately brightened again, smiling widely at them and leaning back against the soft cushions.

"I think we'll get along just fine." He grinned happily.

* * *

><p>Rowena hummed under her breath as she examined the common room. The Ravenclaws stared impatiently at her, growing more and more agitated by the second. This was not what they expected their Founder to be like! She was acting like some sort of crazy person! In fact, she was acting like Looney! One of the braver seventh years cleared his throat, fed up with being ignored.<p>

Rowena looked at him and smiled kindly. "Do you need a cough drop?" She tilted her head slightly, seemingly oblivious to the horrified expressions of her chicks. "A sore throat can be quite dangerous if untreated."

Looney nodded along seriously. "I have heard that coughing and clearing your throat could be a sign of a Goldspotted Milup infestation." The original Ravenclaw turned serious eyes towards the fourteen year old. "You're quite right. And if left alone it might even attract some of the larger forms of Clearips. The small ones usually don't bother with humans, but it's not unheard of."

Luna was delighted. The Founder of her House was willing to play along in her little scheme and her Housemates were confused, frustrated and angry. The situation could not have turned out any better if she had planned it herself. She and Rowena smiled at each other, eyes glittering with mischief and amusement on the others behalf. Luna just knew that they'd be the greatest friends, being annoying and confusing people together.

"Right then, my sweet chicks." Rowena said softly, ignoring the horror on her students faces. "Can anyone tell me how wisdom is best to be gained?" she asked, smiling sweetly when they started speaking as one, reciting study techniques and maximised study time before the brain grew too tired to focus. Rowena grinned at them when they quieted.

"I'm afraid to inform you, my sweetest chicks, that you are all wrong." The Ravenclaws' mouths dropped open and they stared at their founder in confusion and annoyance. "Wisdom," Rowena continued, apparently oblivious to the agitation she had instilled in the people around the room, "is different from knowledge. A man can be wise without being knowledgeable, and a man can be knowledgeable without being wise. Wisdom comes from within, and it is wisdom I most cherish. If my students leave both wise and knowledgeable than I have done my job correctly. It is first when you can tell me what wisdom is and practise it, that I will allow you to call yourselves true Ravenclaws." She smiled, sickly sweet. The students suddenly felt a chill run down their spines. "You, my dear chicks, have a long way to go. If I must, I'll keep you here an extra year."

Half the Ravenclaws fainted straight away in horror.

* * *

><p><strong>Much shorter chapter, and unbetaed, I know. It's even unedited, which I will go back and do later. My apologies. I figured that you'd waited too long by now, so I'm updating this the moment I'm done. <strong>

**Also, you should know that even if I don't answer you, I read every single review. It's so amazing! I haven't ever had a story with these many reviews and alerts and favourites! You guys make me weep with joy.  
><strong>

**I know I said no more authors' notes, but I felt I had to tell you that every single review is damn awesome and you guys are the best ever. **

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Cheers!**

**Yura-chan**


End file.
